“My CEO has always been abusive, but until recently, it wasn’t directed at me,” exclaimed an exasperated 2x CMO from a $350mil fintech company. “It’s particularly frustrating because marketing has over-delivered on every possible metric, including revenue,” the CMO added. Inside, I'm seething. Outside, I’m all empathy while trying to tease out what’s happening here.

A Rant to All the Abusive CEOs Out There

Get it together, dude or dudette. Hire an anger management coach and or a therapist. We don’t care what kind of pressure you’re under. If you can’t deal with it, then you’re in the wrong role. Being abusive to employees, like shaming a direct report in front of their peers, is unproductive, demoralizing, and self-defeating.

There Is No Excuse for Abuse

Now, back to this specific situation. It turns out the CEO had a new favorite on the leadership team and was now crushing on the CRO. And for whatever messed-up reason, the CEO just fell out of love with the CMO. It clearly wasn’t performance-related. Since both the CEO and CRO were men, perhaps it was a "bro" thing. Ultimately, “why” didn't matter as much as “What now?”

Moving On to the Action Plan: Offense (Not Offensive)

My first thought was that the CEO’s behavior must be obvious to the others on the Leadership Team and maybe the board. If so, the board could encourage the CEO to hire a leadership coach. Unfortunately, the board was stacked with bros appointed by the CEO. The other leaders, also male, just accepted the occasional abuse as part of their jobs.

Dealing with Diminishers

Liz Wiseman’s book Multipliers outlines a number of brilliant moves for managing sub-optimal bosses (aka “diminishers). In the case of the “Tyrant,” noted for creating a tense environment where people are afraid to speak up, Liz suggests:

• Avoiding direct confrontation. Instead, model calm, clear communications
• Asking questions rather than challenging authority
• Creating “safe zones” where ideas can be developed before presenting them

GenAI to the Rescue?

Many of you have considered creating a digital twin to help you with decision-making. Let’s push this idea a bit further.

Create a Digital Twin of Your Boss

Describe the personality of your boss in detail (use your personal GPT, not the company’s!). Be as specific as possible, including quotes from conversations with you and others. Ask your GPT to provide a personality assessment. Then, start describing the upcoming situations and role-play with your GPT. Continue to feed conversations into your GPT over the next few months.

In addition to helping you anticipate bad behavior (which can take the sting out of it), it will give you the psychological strength to say to yourself, “It’s not me. I’m a leader and a damn good one at that. I’m resilient, resourceful, and wiley. And I’m prepared to use every tool at my disposal.”

Perhaps they’ll grow by watching you.

Written by Drew Neisser